I guess I’ve been so selfish. When I couldn’t handle things I tend to give them up. I guess I’m not ready with all the borders a relationship requires or maybe I just realized not with that person. I don’t understand the thing everyone says: You’ll feel it and you’ll know it. I’ve already thought someone was “the one” I was young back then. I tried everything I can even thou it requires so much from me. Until I got tired of hoping. But somehow in my heart still hoped a little. Years passed, I realized it wasn’t it afterall. I made myself busy with all the stuff in school and meeting new people, but none of them really made an impact in my life. I swear. He was my first love. Even when people try to make efforts for me they don’t give me that feeling like butterflies are in my stomach. I thought this was ridiculous, it’s like my heart had been worn out. It’s profundity in too unfathomable.
I am still hoping that one day I’ll meet that new love along the way. Somebody told me. “There’s no logic in love. Falling in love is an irrational thing. You get yourself hurt and hurt others by simply falling in love for someone. In love, you’ve got to ready yourself getting hurt. To be truly inlove with someone, you have to be ready to put yourself at risk. You’ll know you’ve found it when love means a matter of life and death for the two of you.” I’ve learned that you’re suppose to give yourself to someone who care not to someone who’s lonely and desperate. It’s really lame that saying you love someone is as easy as saying hi to someone or it’s like you just said it to a cat. Sometimes, I couldn’t help but notice “same moves, different girl.” I don’t see the sense of saying you love someone when you really don’t. It’s strange that you spend your timing wasting it with someone you never loved in the first place. Mostly some people have mistaken lust for love.
I don’t know how someone happens to fall out of love realizing how happy I’ve seen the the last time. My mom had already cried to my shoulder once. I just don’t get the idea of married people falling for someone else. I don’t believe they’ve found someone better. If they really love someone they would have set his eyes only for her. Honestly, I’ve hated my dad seeing how much my mom suffered and how my mom used to cry every night. I tried to understand my dad too. I guess the reason after all, he found my mom less affectionate because of the tasks she does everyday. I wished that somehow they tried to talk things out rather than walking out of the picture, finding some place else to find something that has already in the picture all along… Theyv’e trampled over each other’s feelings. But my dad is willing to compromise after some things happened. God is truly good. I’m so glad. I’m the only one to understand how he can fully gain back my trust, our trust.
Now, I like someone. But I don’t expect him to like me back I get about his attention as a much as a white crayon gets. Haha. I don’t think he’s interested talking to me at all, I keep on blabbering thoughts just because I wan’t to keep a conversation with him for hours. I think he’s really awesome knowing he doesn’t play with love and have same interests as mine plus his good looks are a bonus.
Sometimes, I get all girly and tend to fantisize about finding someone compatible to my zodiac sign. It says that my perfect match is a leo guy or compatible to someone in the fire sign but I also thought how does it work for billions of people in this world with different views? I don’t think anybody could be very alike. I think astrology is such a cool thing but I think true love can overcome anything, even differences. In physics, opposite poles attract. I still believe that love can break even the proudest spirits. I also keep a list of turn on and turn offs in my head but they don’t matter anyway. When you love someone, you’ll still think the sun shines out of his ass even when he’s at his worst or he wokes up in the morning looking like a caveman.
When I have found my true love, I will try not to ever let things go wrong. I’ll give him reasons to trust me completely. I’ll give him reasons to love more than he loved anyone in the past. I’ll give him reasons to stay if ever things don’t go our way. I’ll give him reasons to feel that it’s me all along and I’m his happy ending.

“Everyone will hurt you, you just have to find someone worth hurting for.” -Bob Marley